Tre just turne 1 week old this week. Over all he’s doing well. Malaika and I would be lost without the help of her mom. She’s been amazing helping us at every turn with laundry, meals, and just watching the little guy. I have to keep reminding myself that she won’t be here forever and we need to be ready to handle things on our own. I’ve been thinking about this whole experience and I’m amazed at the number of things that no one talks about in regards to the process of having children. Here are my thoughts:
Labor is disgusting
I’m not going to go into the specifics – but it’s gross – really gross. If you want your teenagers to stay celibate or reliably use birth control – simply take them to the hospital to observer a birth – i think the message will get across. Frankly I’m amazed that the disgusting factor, combined with the agony of labor, and the troubles of recovery don’t turn women off the prospect of children all together. I know if it was me, I would have had my tubes tied immediately after the first child was born. My only explanation is that there is something biological going on that makes women forget – and they just focus on what their baby was like when her was first born. (and cleaned off of course)
Meconium…. if you’ve had kids you know what I’m talking about. If you don’t have them yet…you don’t want to know.
Breastfeeding isn’t as easy as it seems
I thought breast-feeding was a simple process. During pregnancy the body prepares the breasts to feed the newborn. The baby is born and applied to the breasts and east his little heart out. This is in fact not true. There are a wide variety of reasons that can delay a mother’s milk from “coming in”. The only way to speed up the process is to attempt to breast feed and stimulate via breast pumps. What they don’t tell you is how painful this process is. While Malaika has been having problems I’ve been asked to supplement his food supply with something called finger feeding. The idea is that your smallest finger is similar to an erect nipple and won’t confuse the little guy. You basically wrap a tube around your finger that you attach to a syringe full of formula and feed away. The problem is from the first time I tried this I discovered that my child could suck start a leaf blower.
Omg is he strong. My finger was sore after the first feeding. Now think about all of that pressure on a sensative body part like a nipple and you can see why the process is initially very painful. It’s not uncommon for the skin to become raw or actually split. Add to this the lactation nazi’s. There is an entire staff at the hospital dedicated to this process. The lactation nurses are all extremely pushy and opinionated. And love to give you information that conflicts with the data that you got from the previous lactation nurse.
So my poor wife is in pain from the breast feeding process, irritated by pushy lactation nurses, and lastly doesn’t feel like a good mother because she can’t provide food for her child. (the last one I put to bed) The ultimate conclusion is that we’re probably going to give up on breast feeding and just use formula. After all Malaika was bottle fed and so was I. And we certainly didn’t turn out as retards screaming Timmah!
The first few nights are some of the hardest you will ever experience
Tre was pissed – and rightfully so. He spent 9 months hanging out in a liquid sauna with all of his food needs being delivered directly to his blood stream. Suddenly there was a huge attempt to push him out of his home. He fought back as hard as he could for almost a whole day. Then he was cut out and snatched into a cold world where he was forced to breath air.
Child birth is horribly traumatic for the baby and the first few nights are rough. The guy needs to eat every 2-3 hours and the parents who are already exhausted have to keep up with the schedule. Additionally he’s discovered how to use those amazing new lungs of his.
Tre also is surprisingly coordinated with his limbs. He tends to kick when you change his diaper – getting his feed….er soiled. While trying to sooth him he punched me in the eye 3 times. He also tends to knock the pacifier out of his mouth when he prefers you to hear his screams.
It can be a frustrating experience. When you are sleep deprived and frustrated you will be pushed to the very limits of your mental endurance.
Well in the interest of keeping things reasonably short I’ll end it there.
Actually I am having a great time listening to you make your share of mistakes. I am taking notes. Since you are one of my few friends who has some sense I will take your advice when my time comes. Stay strong. You guys still outnumber him.
Congratulations!!!!! You have such a beautiful son. Thanks for sharing your experience. I am trying to learn as much as possible. Tell your wife to stay strong because the whole experience is way more challenging than most people think.
Hey Lee. I’m sorry i didn’t call you guys to congratulate you on the birth of Tre but I was in the middle of finals and NCAAs was coming on, and well it’s not really an excuse but now that I finally have a few minutes to look at your blog I’m so thrilled that you and Malaika have brought a beautiful bundle of joy into the world. And i was suitably disgusted when i clicked on that meconium link. Congratulations again and I love you guys.
Hey Leon, as they say, “This too shall pass.” Although if you are wanting to slap me right now for saying that, I certainly understand because I wanted to slap whoever said it to me. But it really is true, before you know it, this phase will be over and it will be on to the next challenges the little one will present, and you won’t know where the time went. Hang in there. It really is a blessing to have Malaika’s mom there, I think I would have tossed myself out a window if I didn’t have my mom the first couple of weeks, especially with Kristen. Yeah, the best advice I can give is do whatever works best for you guys and that child. I say that because what works best for Tre might not work for the next one. You’re right, everyone has opinions and might try to make you feel like a sub-parent for doing what you have to do just to maintain some sanity. So I broke all the rules simply because I needed to get some rest. I slept with Kristen, gave her a pacifier as soon as I could get one in her mouth, gave her formula when the milk wasn’t coming in fast enough (although I do hope Malaika will hang in there just a little while longer — it will probably come in good real soon, but in the meantime there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with supplmenting with formula). But even if you decide not to go the breastfeeding route, that’s okay too. The only piece of unsolicited advice I’ll give is to get her some Nourishe yogurt drinks (Frusion works good too). After drinking a couple of those suckers her breasts should be shooting out milk like a lawn sprinkler. They’re the best-kept secret for breast-feeding mothers.
We will keep you guys in our prayers. Believe me, you will make it.
Oh, and they make nipple creams that help to relieve the pain and are safe for the baby to suck on. But by now you probably already know that. Okay, that’s all, bye! God bless.
Personally, I think meconium is cool — I was mad that it took having a baby for me to learn about it.
I feel you on those first few weeks — it is rough, and we also had to deal with feeding issues (unlike Tre, Rosa’s sucking power was not strong at all, I am scared of him) and that makes life stressful. Good news is that in a few weeks you’ll have gotten into a routine with Tre and you’ll get to focus more on having fun with him.